Two minus One equals Zero
So, upon inspecting my wallet for 1s, 20s and 100 dollar bills yesterday, I discovered that, after paying for gas in my guzzler of a car, I was left with just enough money to buy cigarettes. Now, one pack of cigarettes isn't going to tide me over until Thursday, not at the rate I smoke and not with a big weekend ahead.
But alas, I perused the local corner stores until "AHA! Have at ye young distillers of fine purveyance!" I came across the Kwikest of Fills, a mart so generous and forthgoing that, in turn for firing my flatmate, they decided to strike me a buy one get one deal to entice me back into their salesmanship. Typically I would not be swayed by such half-fevered attempts and skullduggery, but when it comes to the Nicholas Tine, I am at times weak.
I purchased the BOGO deal, a pack of Turkish Golds with a complimentary pack attached (and the writing on the label to prove it) and returned home, content with my fridge full of beer and my belly and lungs filling with much anticipated smoke.
Things went fine, for the night, laughs were had at times and smiles were shared between many a folk. While sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying a dinner prepared by myself and my son, the boy said something like "Why did you buy those cigarettes?"
"To smoke them."
"But why did you buy both packs?"
"They were buy one get one free..." and the conversation went on from there. I slid the pack that had yet to be open across the table and out of his reach. The night continued. I smoked two of my cigarettes from the opened pack. The rest I left rest on the table. Night came over me and I retired into sleep.
The dreams of a man satisfied that his nicotine needs would be fulfilled for the next week were sweet and the waking moments pleasant. I made a motion for the downstairs floor after waking and slipped around the corner of the kitchen to, "EEEEEK!" find an empty space where there once sat a completely full pack of unopened Turkish Golds.
Unhappiness ensued...
This guy knows what it's like.
But alas, I perused the local corner stores until "AHA! Have at ye young distillers of fine purveyance!" I came across the Kwikest of Fills, a mart so generous and forthgoing that, in turn for firing my flatmate, they decided to strike me a buy one get one deal to entice me back into their salesmanship. Typically I would not be swayed by such half-fevered attempts and skullduggery, but when it comes to the Nicholas Tine, I am at times weak.
I purchased the BOGO deal, a pack of Turkish Golds with a complimentary pack attached (and the writing on the label to prove it) and returned home, content with my fridge full of beer and my belly and lungs filling with much anticipated smoke.
Things went fine, for the night, laughs were had at times and smiles were shared between many a folk. While sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying a dinner prepared by myself and my son, the boy said something like "Why did you buy those cigarettes?"
"To smoke them."
"But why did you buy both packs?"
"They were buy one get one free..." and the conversation went on from there. I slid the pack that had yet to be open across the table and out of his reach. The night continued. I smoked two of my cigarettes from the opened pack. The rest I left rest on the table. Night came over me and I retired into sleep.
The dreams of a man satisfied that his nicotine needs would be fulfilled for the next week were sweet and the waking moments pleasant. I made a motion for the downstairs floor after waking and slipped around the corner of the kitchen to, "EEEEEK!" find an empty space where there once sat a completely full pack of unopened Turkish Golds.
Unhappiness ensued...
This guy knows what it's like.
posted by ClickNathan at 9:02 AM
11 Comments:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Oh no wait, hold on....
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
If ever "pfft, whatever bitch" has been more appropriate, now might be the time.
Luckily, I'm more of the "well whatever, I guess I'll just be more cautious and see if moms'll lend me a few bucks this weekend" type.
It dawned on me that you might show offense to my last comment, so I change that first sentence to "pfft, whatever my bitch."
There, that should do it.
Unforgivable! You forgot to slap my ass.
consider it fin.
tell tristan that if he wants to smoke he'll have to get a job in the coal mines or something. then you can take half his earnings and get cigarettes for free. that's called being a dad.
i'm getting clicknathan.yummy-wakame.com/smoke. awww
Yeah. Ohlivio hosts my website so something funky is going on there. I rather like it, though, so hopefully she doesn't change it.
Your friends,
The funkstars
haha. i love/was watching army ants (last night). i love when they eat other insects. ants are the only insect i can stand. there's not much that is gross about them.
Hmmm. Well, Bob, I was going to say something like "Oooh what a tough guy, a 6 foot giant squashes some ants" but actually I'm just glad you did the dishes so I'll forget about it. I do know that you're the harbinger of demise for all things insectoid. You should blog the story about crucifying flies.
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