The final plan! HAVAT THEE!

Okay "Nathan Quits Smoking v. 17.5.8.323.a.D9B squared"

I'm about to go on this long road trip. I can't stop smoking for that. I like to smoke while driving, and I'll be doing a lot of driving. Also, I just plain old like to smoke.

But when I get back I'll be cancelling my car insurance and giving the Mustang away and riding my bike every single day until I'm all six packs and pink lungs. The second part being the most important. It's going to burn my lungs for the first few days. But that feels good. I'm going to drastically reduce my smoking during this time period. I need to conquer it in order to live with it. And I don't feel like I can eliminate it for good, so I just need to eliminate it, for one day maybe. Just beat it for one day to prove that I can. Then at some point I can try two.

But let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.

Two minus One equals Zero

So, upon inspecting my wallet for 1s, 20s and 100 dollar bills yesterday, I discovered that, after paying for gas in my guzzler of a car, I was left with just enough money to buy cigarettes. Now, one pack of cigarettes isn't going to tide me over until Thursday, not at the rate I smoke and not with a big weekend ahead.

But alas, I perused the local corner stores until "AHA! Have at ye young distillers of fine purveyance!" I came across the Kwikest of Fills, a mart so generous and forthgoing that, in turn for firing my flatmate, they decided to strike me a buy one get one deal to entice me back into their salesmanship. Typically I would not be swayed by such half-fevered attempts and skullduggery, but when it comes to the Nicholas Tine, I am at times weak.

I purchased the BOGO deal, a pack of Turkish Golds with a complimentary pack attached (and the writing on the label to prove it) and returned home, content with my fridge full of beer and my belly and lungs filling with much anticipated smoke.

Things went fine, for the night, laughs were had at times and smiles were shared between many a folk. While sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying a dinner prepared by myself and my son, the boy said something like "Why did you buy those cigarettes?"

"To smoke them."

"But why did you buy both packs?"

"They were buy one get one free..." and the conversation went on from there. I slid the pack that had yet to be open across the table and out of his reach. The night continued. I smoked two of my cigarettes from the opened pack. The rest I left rest on the table. Night came over me and I retired into sleep.

The dreams of a man satisfied that his nicotine needs would be fulfilled for the next week were sweet and the waking moments pleasant. I made a motion for the downstairs floor after waking and slipped around the corner of the kitchen to, "EEEEEK!" find an empty space where there once sat a completely full pack of unopened Turkish Golds.

Unhappiness ensued...

This guy knows what it's like.

Hey look, it's a post

So I've taken time out of my busy day to post here. I'm a chain smoking maniac with nice firm calves and don't you ever forget it.

Actually, I don't have much to say, and was thinking about mentioning something about the study that I read about on Yummy but seriously, no one reads this except for people who already read yummy so what's the point?

That's a question, so answer it.

Living vs. Waiting to Die

I started smoking when I was 15 or 16, I can't remember.

I really got into smoking when I was 18, a pack a day sort of living.

Then I curbed that and got down to smoking once or twice a month, only when drinking, while Tristan was in the womb and for two years after he was born. That was ideal.

I was married for awhile and when that fell apart, I realized, "Well hell, I only quit smoking to help my son and be this perfect sort of dad." Once I realized that I wasn't going to have the perfect get-married-own-a-house-have-a-bunch-of-kids-grow-old-that-way life I got back into enjoying my youth and being a bit carefree again.

Thank god. It opened me back up. I lost my big "I'm a married man" gut and started doing things again, riding my bike, playing in the backyard or going to the beach, drinking beers, smoking cigarettes.

I started smoking a lot of cigarettes.

Then I thought "I should quit this, I hear it's killing me and I don't want to be an old man dying a horrible death."

But I can't quit. And I think it's because I can't see that far into the future. In order for me to be the carefree happy-go-lucky "whatever happens right now is the important part" person that I am (or at least want to be) then I can't simultaneously be a big bad responsible member of society who's planning for his 401k and working his hamstrings off at preparing and diversifying his portfolio.

I'm by no means one tracked when it comes to my mind, but these two people—Nathan Swartz, Dad and Nathan Swartz, Himself—are just too much different people for them to be allowed to be constantly competing inside of my head.

It only leads to turmoil. Nathan Swartz, Himself is pretty confident that he can get through life without picking apart every aspect of it and deducing how that will affect his future.

So, I'm going to go have a cigarette.

This was written on a piece of paper that I found in my car...

June 5 - Boston
June 10 - 12 - Chicago
June 17 - Shawn + ghetto = okay by me & June 18 - Amanda's graduation, Johnstown
June 25-26 - Albany & Cooperstown

July 1 - 18 - Route 20
July 23 - Cleveland

August - expecting company?

September 16 - move to Brighton (to live)

January 2006 - move to Portland (also, to live)

So that's alot of traveling, a lot of driving and a LOT of cigarettes...

La Revolutione Partake Me

Is "revolutione" masculine or feminine? It doesn't matter.

With the amount of cigarettes I smoke these days it's no wonder that I have pains in my chest and I can whistle through my throat. Quite sad really. Still, though, I can run and skip and hop and jump (but not swim) like an 8 year old on a strict diet of candy bars and Coca-Cola.

I like to listen to songs that say things like "I smoke my cigarette with style" or various other smoking related phrases. They make me forget how stupid what I'm doing is.

Currently, my prospective is "Well, I'm going to quit when I finally get what I want." I wonder how long that will take. I sometimes think that I don't have the leisure to think about when I'll quit anymore, that after 10 or 11 years, whatever it's been, if I don't quit right this moment, well, lung cancer will come creeping up on me in twenty years anyway.

Poor Tony Blaire. He probably really wants a smoke right now. While in England some guy told me that because I don't demonstrate and protest against my government I'm in essence supporting their actions through negligence. Nevermind the half dozen other reasons I don't agree with this, but basically when I told him that 49% of our country didn't vote for Bush (the number is for effect and not statistical accuracy) he said "Well that's because the rest of them are stupid followers," in his "I went to college and I've got a shelf full of books stored in my head to prove it" accent which had me thinking last night how my obvious reply should have been "Well, seeing as how your Prime Minister followed our President, and your country voted your Prime Minister in, then you're all stupid followers, too." I didn't think it at the time and the very fact that I'm still letting this guy bothers me just proves he won the arguement.

He also probably knows how to spell arguement.

I'm out of cigarettes and the deal on BOGO Turkish Silvers is over...